Long Live the Vuvuzela

You know what? Stop bitching about the Vuvuzelas. Sweet Merciful Crap is the only site on the internet that supports the Vuvuzela, and do you know why that is? Because every other person on the planet is bitching and moaning about them. It has become eminently fashionable, this summer’s popular way for people to make that friendly, non-threatening stranger blather on a bus or chitchat with a co-worker. “Man, I am enjoying the World Cup, but have you heard those horns? They sound like a swarm of BEES! SOOOOO annoying!” It’s a sure way to find common ground with someone to bring this up, but you have to be a colossal pussy to voice your displeasure with the Vuvuzela; when you find yourself doing so, do realize it means you have nothing better to say.

Everybody else in the world has made the insight that the horns are annoying, why not pile on? That’s just what everybody needs: one more person talking about how they don’t like the horns at the World Cup. RIck Reilly can’t properly convey how much our collective fucking sensibilities are offended by the background noise at a soccer match everybody only watches once every four years. Only whiny French midfielders are expected to bitch about their being too much noise at the world’s biggest sporting event.

Well, you know what? We here at SMC do like the horns. The Vuvuzelas make it sound like something exciting is constantly happening. Who the fuck are you to question another culture’s way of expressing excitement anyway? That’s the kind of attitude that led to colonialism, you low-rent bigot asshole. And besides, you’re telling me if you travelled halfway around the world, were walking into a World Cup match and somebody handed you a giant fucking horn to blow all game long you wouldn’t blow on that horn for 90 minutes? YOU LIE!

All of you shut up. Long live the Vuvuzela.


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