What the hell is wrong with our country that not a single big-box retailer will sell me a kite? All I wanted to do was fly a goddamn kite on the beach this Labor Day weekend; it should not have taken five stores and two hours just to find the kite. Seriously, you can buy 800 different lego sets, 2,000 different video games, a bazillion movies, even a shotgun at Walmart, but ask the kind senior citizen at the door where to find a kite and you’ll likely get a blank stare. Not the usual blank stare of the Walmart greeter, but the same one you’d get if you asked where they keep the Monique Lhuillier wedding gowns.
“We don’t have those here.” was all I got. Same story at Dick’s Sporting goods: tons of useless shit, and again more shotguns, but no goddamn kites. At Target there were no shotguns, but plenty of stupid toys and games to go around. Eastern Mountain Sports, home of The North Face, doggie protein bars and technical equipment galore, but nothing with the simplicity and efficiency of the kite.
I ended up at PIP Squeak & Wilfred. They have toys that make wealthy and idealistic parents and their children feel both smarter and more entitled. They also have kites. It was luck that the EMS guy tipped me off to the kites. I find it unconscionable that one must go to such extremes to procure a kite.
Save our youth, write a letter, as I have, to your local big-box retailer demanding they stock kites. Lest we lose another generation to degenerate video games, Legos and shotgun fights.