Did you folks know the NFL holiday shop has customizable jerseys from every team available for delivery on the 24th? And free shipping on all orders over 75 dollars? They sure do. And while shopping for your loved ones, why not have some fun with the NFL’s content filters? Would they really let you make a Ron Mexico jersey? We here at Sweet Merciful Crap hereby offer our Holiday Jersey shopping guide:
For you holiday shoppers in the Carolinas, how about this handsome Rae Carruth #83 jersey for Jr. this Christmas? Nothing says, “I support pregnant mother murderers” like this one. The problem is that if you try to customize your Carruth jersey on NFLshop.com, you’ll get this message: “Your current entry cannot be processed. Some entries are prohibited due to guidelines for past and present player names. Please create a new entry.”
Fair Enough, how about “R Carruth”?
Next up, for the St. Louis fan in all of us, how about this Lawrence Phillips jersey? No guideline prohibitions on this one! In fact, NFLshop.com extols it as a “Great choice! To purchase your customized jersey, click on “ADD TO CART.”
And how about everybody’s favorite rascal, Ron Mexico? Will NFLshop allow us to purchase the Number 7 of the immortal Atlanta Falcons QB? Sadly, no: “Your current entry cannot be processed. Language deemed inappropriate, derogatory, or profane will not be accepted. Please create a new entry.” Okay then… how about… “R Mexico”? Nope, same thing. Other entries not allowed include “Bad Newz,” “Rape Stand,” and “The Big Dog.”In fact, if you try to put the name “Vick” on any customizable jersey from any team with any number in the NFL’s online store, you will be told that language is deemed inappropriate, your computer will seize up, and Roger Goodall’s jackbooted thugs will break down your door and truncheon you and your poor family right next to the Christmas tree. But if you’re determined enough to put your questionable taste on display for the world to see, may we suggest:
So Vick torturing animals draws the attention of the NFL cops, but where do the filters on the NFL’s super computers draw the line at censoring Christmas gifts of dubious taste? Apparently,no problems here for you Giants fans:
But what about…
Try putting a “Hung” on number 81 of the Vikings, and you’ll get this: “Your current entry cannot be processed. Language deemed inappropriate, derogatory, or profane will not be accepted. Please create a new entry.” This one is easily avoided with something much more offensive though (click here for reference):