Monthly Archives: December 2008

Gerald Ford Pipe Tobacco Ad

As our Presidential Tobacco Advertising week rolls on, we bring you today Gerald Ford’s Abaco Pipe Tobacco ad from 1976.  It originally ran in Playboy, and it just radiates class.

fordadfinal

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I’d Roll a Mile For a Camel!

Now that Barack Obama has been appointed the Marlboro Man for the 21rst Century, we here at Sweet Merciful Crap thought we’d take a look back at another memorable piece of Presidential Cigarette Spokesmanship: Camel’s 1930’s “I’d Roll a Mile for a Camel” campaign featuring FDR.  Check it out:

FDR's 1943 Camel Ad

FDR's 1939 Camel Ad

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Welcome To Flavor Country

Earlier we brought you R. J. Reynolds’ latest effort from what is left of their (or any tobacco company’s) ad department. Gone are the days of giant KOOL billboards along the highway and Joe Camel in every issue of Sports Illustrated.  Hell, they even took the Winston out of NASCAR (not to mention the Flintstones). Regulation of tobacco advertising leaves companies hamstrung in efforts to recruit new customers. It goes further, forcing them to scare the shit out of current customers, all with money they used to spend making glamorous their vice.

Obama Marlboro Ad

Altria, Philip Morris at the time, managed to get their message across to a young man in Hawaii before regulations got to their current state, and it’s paying out in spades. In a playing field where tobacco companies can’t spend their way into mass media, Altria is joining the Obama camp—Yes We Can! Who needs Joe Fucking Camel when you have Barack Obama? The brass at Altria, is betting that tobacco is back, and are preparing for a wave of young kids in leather jackets all wanting Marlboro Reds, just like The President. There is even talk of going back to the pre-corporate-facelift Philip Morris moniker.

Money can’t buy an ad that good, and the Obama seal of approval didn’t cost a dime. A commemorative buy 2 get 1 free bundle of Marlboro Reds, featuring a Presidential Warrant designed by Obama’s administration, kicks off the partnership between The President and Marlboro—and will hit select markets in time for inauguration weekend. Said an insider for the tobacco giant “R.J. Reynolds had Roosevelt, WWII, and even the secretary of the Treasury in the 40’s, but we learned our lesson and scored Reagan, and now the coup de gras. Things look good.”

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Barack Obama Nude on a Unicorn

We here at Sweet Merciful Crap are well-known patrons of the fine arts and would like to draw your attention to the fabulous piece featured below.  It’s a picture of a naked Barack Obama riding a Unicorn outside the Xcel Energy Center in the Twin Cities.  It can be yours for only $20, shipping included.  We sincerely apologize for not finding these in time for your Christmas shopping.  For purchase here.

 

The Greatest Piece of Art in History

Obama, Nude, Unicorn, Awesome

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The 10 Greatest Love Songs On My iPod

I have compiled the 10 greatest love songs on my iPod for all to enjoy during the holidays.

miller

 

1.  Fairytale of New York — Shane Macgowan

 

Aruably the greatest song ever written.  If you’re American, chances are pretty good that you’ve never heard it, but if you’re British, I reckon you hear it every Christmas.  RIP — Kirsty MaCcoll (she was tragically run over by a boat).

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff3aoSyYOVs

 

2There Is A Light That Never Goes Out — The Smiths

 

A classic about the pain of loving someone.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INgXzChwipY

 

 3.   Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile  — Warren Zevon

 

In my opinion it took terminal cancer for Warren Zevon to write a decent song.  Alright, “Splendid Isolation” and “Werewolves of London” were good, but other than them, I think he lived on reputation alone.  This particular song he wrote as he was dying  of cancer and I do believe it could make a stone cry.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7NQjLZvw44&feature=related

 

4.  Baby Blue Sedan — Modest Mouse

 

What can I say, Isaac Brock is a genius. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_31sGp72Cc

 

5.  Cry No More — Buju Banton

I sure hope that Mrs. Banton appreciated this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9m8kl3xm1E

 6.  No Children — The Mountain Goats

 A true classic about the trials and tribulations of relationships.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tf79oyWWtkQ

 

 

7.  Grievances — Daniel Johnston

 

 A crazy man who wrote a few good songs, mostly shitty, but a few good ones.  This is the best, and it’s good, real good.

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK6uCv3v1lQ

 

8.  Only You — Yazoo

 

 Not much to say really, a great song, made known to me by a great show, The Office Christmas Special.  

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LACaaychqJI

9.  Christmas Car From a Hooker In Minneapolis — Tom Waits

 

 And who said hookers don’t have feeling?

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktCocv-bBDg

 

 10.  Making Days Longer — RJD2

  Give RJ some credit, he can make sampled beats almost like Shadow (I say

almost because nobody can touch DJ Shadow) and he can also write and sing.

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KfyxZF1b5U

 

 Had They Been On My iPod

 

Haunted — Sinead O’Connor — Written by Shane Macgowan, so you know it’s good, and Sinead isn’t so bad either

 

Gotta Go My Own Way — High School Musical II —Good song, really. 

 

The Marriage — Billy Bragg — Look it up

 

 

 

 

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Poor Taste NFL Jerseys for Christmas

Did you folks know the NFL holiday shop has customizable jerseys from every team available for delivery on the 24th?  And free shipping on all orders over 75 dollars?  They sure do.  And while shopping for your loved ones, why not have some fun with the NFL’s content filters?  Would they really let you make a Ron Mexico jersey?  We here at Sweet Merciful Crap  hereby offer our Holiday Jersey shopping guide:

For you holiday shoppers in the Carolinas, how about this handsome Rae Carruth #83 jersey for Jr. this Christmas?  Nothing says, “I support pregnant mother murderers” like this one.   The problem is that if you try to customize your Carruth jersey on NFLshop.com, you’ll get this message: “Your current entry cannot be processed. Some entries are prohibited due to guidelines for past and present player names. Please create a new entry.”

Fair Enough, how about “R Carruth”?

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Next up, for the St. Louis fan in all of us, how about this Lawrence Phillips jersey?  No guideline prohibitions on this one!  In fact, NFLshop.com extols it as a “Great choice! To purchase your customized jersey, click on “ADD TO CART.”

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And how about everybody’s favorite rascal, Ron Mexico?  Will NFLshop allow us to purchase the Number 7 of the immortal Atlanta Falcons QB?  Sadly, no: “Your current entry cannot be processed. Language deemed inappropriate, derogatory, or profane will not be accepted. Please create a new entry.”  Okay then… how about… “R Mexico”? Nope, same thing.  Other entries not allowed include “Bad Newz,” “Rape Stand,” and “The Big Dog.”In fact, if you try to put the name “Vick” on any customizable jersey from any team with any number in the NFL’s online store, you will be told that language is deemed inappropriate, your computer will seize up, and Roger Goodall’s jackbooted thugs will break down your door and truncheon you and your poor family right next to the Christmas tree. But if you’re determined enough to put your questionable taste on display for the world to see, may we suggest:

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So Vick torturing animals draws the attention of the NFL cops, but where do the filters on the NFL’s super computers draw the line at censoring Christmas gifts of dubious taste?  Apparently,no problems here for you Giants fans:

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But what about…

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Or…

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Even better…

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Try putting a “Hung” on number 81 of the Vikings, and you’ll get this: “Your current entry cannot be processed. Language deemed inappropriate, derogatory, or profane will not be accepted. Please create a new entry.”  This one is easily avoided with something much more offensive though (click here for reference):

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The Funniest Moment of Wedding Crashers

Unequivocally:

-P. McGraw

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