The following Google-Chat transcript comes to us from a correspondent in Sweet Merciful Crap’s Shanghai Bureau, who was evidently very bored the other night. Fellas, this is exactly what you are supposed to do if a girl starts making with the fantasy sex talk via computer chat. This is the manual. Ed.
7:03 PM Isabelle: miss you!
me: YOUR FIRED!!!
I miss you too
7:04 PM me: dont you want to know what you were fired from first?
7:05 PM Isabelle: yea
that s why i asked why
i dont even know what i was hired for
me: you were working as a short-order fireman
but you had a second identity
Isabelle: firewoman you mean?
7:06 PM me: where you were a short-order fireman
but in Alaska
Isabelle: i dont think you ever wanted to have sex with a fireMAN
ok, why ami fired then?
me: fireman is neutral sex i thought
7:07 PM can be either
Isabelle: you are sick
Isabelle: i am so much better than a fireman
me: a fireman can be a man or woman
Isabelle: but i ll be your firewoman to put out the fire in you
7:08 PM so what are you doingnow?
me: watching TED talks
Isabelle: what s tes?
its just these talks about technology etc
Isabelle: that sounds boring
what s your fantasy?
me: to talk at TED
7:10 PM in a fireman outfit
would you wanna save me in a fire?
me: ooo…. that seems dangerous
7:11 PM can’t i rescue you from a boring thursday night?
Isabelle: very, but it ll be worth doing?
i never have a boring thurs
when you are not here
7:12 PM me: 🙂
got any good reciepes?
7:13 PM Isabelle: not really
me: cause i cook
but i need reciepes
Isabelle: you can go on internet and find tons
can i be your waitress if you were a cook?
7:15 PM me: of course
Isabelle: how do you want me to help you cook?
7:16 PM Isabelle: how about just the apron?
a bit transparent one
7:17 PM me: ok
i’ve never seen such a thing
7:18 PM but i can imagine
Isabelle: i have, u can see my nipples and pussy , but not quite clear
7:19 PM they are hard cause it s a little cold in the kitchen
me: i prefer a steamy kitchen
Isabelle: you have to cover them with your hands to keep them hot
steamy is good too
7:21 PM me: we are cooking…. SEX!
7:22 PM Isabelle: yeah, and you just drop some bread on the floor and am bendingover to pick it up
7:24 PM me: who is bending over?
7:25 PM Isabelle: me
me: ooo. bend over slowly
7:26 PM Isabelle: yeah. very slow and you have your pot boiling right next to you
me: what pot?
oo… what’s in the pot?
Isabelle: hot chilly
7:27 PM curry
me: does curry turn you on?
Isabelle: spicy ones
Isabelle: and the sound of boiling it
7:28 PM why?
me: i don’t think you boil curry
pretty sure you don’t
Isabelle: oh, well, just trying to make the atmasphere
me: ok. the curry is boiling. it’s very spicy
7:29 PM i guess spices are kinda sensual
Isabelle: it s so steamy
me: its so steamy i can’t see
i slip on the floor and knock myself unconcious
Isabelle: and i dont know what to do to help you rightly and i keep screw things up
7:30 PM and now u are unconcious
i have to go down on u to give you mouth to mouth
7:31 PM me: you spill the curry everywhere, and the fire alarm starts going off
the oven is on fire
and you are still naked
Isabelle: i have to take pff my apron toput out the fire
7:32 PM now ihave nothing to cover me
me: but it’s plastic and it just melts
WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!
Isabelle: you are destroying things
me: YOU SPILLED THE CURRY!!
that’s not my fault
Isabelle: now i have to climb on the counter to clean up the curry
7:33 PM me: why are you cleaning up the curry?
the kitchen is on fucking fire!
Isabelle: the fire was supposed to be out alreayd
i am just cleaning up
7:34 PM with my knees on the counter
me: why? we are not paid to clean up
Isabelle: u came from behind and saying it s all my fault and i should be punished
7:35 PM me: i take a wooden spoon…
and take a spoonful of curry
and put it in your pussy
currypussy!Isabelle: you suck