Boobs, Booze and Brotherly Love; or World Fucking Champs!

"A Family Atmosphere"Last Friday wasn’t too different from many other Fridays in Philadelphia—except for the fact that the 100,000+ truants were absent from school with the blessings of their parents, the mayor of Philadelphia and the city’s Police force. When stopped by an officer mere seconds before pouring a tasty Miller Lite into a plastic cup, I was told to be careful “this is a family event, there are kids here—we want a kid-friendly environment” explained officer Ramierez, before turning his head so I could pour the beer. It was 11:30 on Friday morning, didn’t the kids have school?

So ‘kid friendly’ an event has never been seen and probably never again will occur. I questioned officer Ramierez and anyone else who thought an event like that could, in fact, be kid-friendly. Once anybody was close enough to see the crowds and parade route, it rained—beer and champagne everywhere. A fat man was pouring vodka out his window to the masses below who fought to get under the stream.

Sometime after Pat Burrell rode down Broad Street on a Clydesdale-drawn Budweiser wagon, thing only became less family oriented. Crowds broke down barricades and flooded the route, delaying the the procession for a couple of hours, leaving South Philly’s finest to keep the masses entertained. And soon after the aforementioned fat man ran out of vodka, things good interesting. Two young ladies a couple of windows over from him proceeded to give the kids an anatomy lesson, followed by a very liberal lesson in family structure. I’m not sure if Pennsylvania allows gay marriage or not, but they sure appreciate a good lesbian window show—Right officer Ramierez, a family atmosphere.

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And as if that weren’t family oriented enough, or public enough, or classy enough, shortly after four Chase Utley made sure evenn the suckers and nerds who had gone to school could enjoy the shit-show on television. In a Bono-esque spur of creativity (at least the broadcasters would like the FCC to believe when it comes time for fines), Mr. Utley took the podium and announced that the Phillies were, in fact, “World Fucking Champs!”

And now you have your very own chance to own a piece of the class of the crass with these commemorative “World Phucking Champs” hats, shirts, buttons and stickers. Click the logo or the hat to see our shop!

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