How ya’ doin? I hope you all had a wonderful pork-free Thanksgiving. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since I last wrote you. Back then, we still had a Jesus-fearing Christian man as Commander-in-Chief, and we could be sure he was leading his wife and lovely daughters in Grace around the White House Turkey Table as his black scottie dogs paced patiently around the family looking for scraps. No doubt he led his family in reverent Jesus prayer this Thanksgiving as well, but this time the future did not look bright, and the gravy might’ve been poisoned.
Yes, a Muslim man is coming to office, and for all we know he might take the Oath of Office wearing a dashiki. Like Yasser Fucking Arafat! He actively worships Muhammad; And as George sat down with his well-heeled wife, twin daughters, and that son-in-law with the fabulous haircut for Turkey (and O’Doul’s!) he must have known what misfortune this portuned for the U.S.A. George is a man who knows something about the presidency. He knows it is important to run a tight schedule, to make sure things are running on time, and to deal with those late to meeting is a harsh fashion. George knows it will hardly do to have Barack Hussein in the White House, you can’t duck out of national security meetings to face Mecca, bow down and pray for 15 minutes a day! Hell, did Kennedy do that during the Cuban Missile Crisis?
Fuck no, Kennedy appealed to God, The American God. He served pork at state dinners, and he never worse sandals or grew a beard when the crisis of his days confronted him. He married a woman without a postgraduate degree. Sure, a vicious muslim like Barack might try and hide the fact that he doesn’t support the education of women by marrying one who holds a degree from Princeton and a JD from Harvard, and sending his children to a place like Sidwell Friends, but you and I are on to him, my friends. We must watch him carefully.
Being as informed as you are, I’m sure you’re all keenly aware of what happens when he invites Al-Qaeda to the White House for trilateral disarmament negotiations with the Saudis. We’re all fucked, that’s what. Mullah Omar will be sleeping in a Lincoln Bedroom provisioned with pure, brown-haired virgin 14-year-olds girls, plucked from the streets of DC by the Secret Service (which undoubtedly be renamed the Committee for Virtue and the Prevention of Vice). From his perch in the White House he will screw young American children and coordinate the firebombing of neighborhood barbershops with the convenience provided by the White House’s first-rate secure communications circuits.
These next four years are going to be painful, my friends, and the pain is already being inflicted. As we feared during the campaign, Barack is already appointing radical nutjobs to Treasury Department and the Office of Management and Budget. Have you seen these guys, paraded out in front of the press corps? Clearly it is a bunch bent on plundering the national treasury for the purchase of suicide vests. They are people who look forward to forcing American school children like yours and mine to bow down to Allah, stripping us of our guns, and putting Al-Zaqarwi’s face on our 20$ bills. It’s horrifying.
Buckle down my friends, we’re in for a rough ride. There’s a Muslim coming to the White House. Hell, he could crash the West’s entire financial system the moment he takes office!
Yours in shared terror,
Dr. Pepe McGraw.