A Brief Retort

In Re: Republicans And Red Sox: Identity In Crisis

Dear Kev Dr$,

This is how it is going to be?  I invite you into my house and you start smashing all the plates and shitting on the carpets?  There’s only so much half-cooked nonsense I can take with a victory hangover this large, but we’ll try to wade through it all here before lunch.

Attempting to equate the Red Sox to the Republican Party has to be one of the dumber ideas I have heard in some time, although I guess churning out foolish swill like this might make you Yankee fans feel better.  You need to stop disparaging America’s great game by comparing it with a useless carcass like the Republican Party, I figured you knew better than to sully baseball like that.  Baseball is glorious precisely because it has nothing to do with politics or anything else that does not involve pitching, hitting, catching, and throwing.

There were several quotes from your last there were so colossally stupid in magnitude, that we must revisit them:

The Red Sox also have a disconnect.  For years “The Sawx” presented themselves as a hard-scrabble bunch of misfits who over come the odds and somehow eek out a winning season. Those days are gone; long gone, along with Trot Nixon, Manny and soon Jason Varitek. Now Red Sox Nation struggles with a new identity. Packed full of hired help, like J-D Drew, Mark Kotsay and Dice K, they win. But to do so they had to become everything they used to hate. To beat the evil empire, they became one.

This was either written by a fool or a drug addict, and since I know you are no fool, I will assume that you are again in the firm grasp of opium’s treacherous tentacles.  Perhaps you can see through your grim fog to where you fucked up when you imply:

a) the Sox did not win with Trot, Manny, and Tek, which they most assuredly did

b) that Manny was not hired help

c) that Mark Kotsay is some kind of crown jewel that only the richest teams in baseball could acquire

d) the ridiculous notion that the Red Sox are somehow “struggling with their identity (Struggling how?  Are they not sure who they are?  Are they anxious about dating and the prom, and moving to a new school?   Did their parents just get divorced?)

e) that becoming everything the Red Sox used to hate is somehow a bad thing, as that thing, presumably, was winning

f) that any objective observer could find one instance of how the Red Sox “presented themselves” as hard-scrabble

g) that anything in that paragraph constitutes a “disconnect”

h) that somehow the winningest team this decade is suffering from, or should be concerned with an identity crisis.

Walk around any city in America and you see Red Sox caps from a new generation of “Johnny-Come-Lately” fans. Children root for them, unaware of the crushing history that has united their stoic and honorable fans for decades. Its fun to be a Sox Fan now — no wonder so many call it “Poser Nation.”

Yes, winning is fun.  As to “Poser Nation,” well, there’s not much I can say.  Success breeds attraction (and contempt).  For Game 2 of the ALCS I had to sit next to some cross-eyed pussy wearing a Red Sox jersey (with no number on the back), a Red Sox cap, and a Red Sox power necklace, who cheered for Sox pitchers to bean every batter that came up.  There’s not much I can do about things like that (except repeatedly ignore his high five plea when it came).  If the Red Sox score more runs than the other team each night, I am happy, and fuck whoever happens to be sitting next to me.  I despise pink B hats as much as the next man, but If the implication here is that any real Red Sox fan wishes a return to the days when they were the earnest and likable underdogs that lost all the time with a core fan base as opposed to having those two World Series Championships and a huge following, well… ah, no.   And if “children” root for them without knowing of their crushing history, well then I suppose that proves that time is, in fact, still moving forward.

Here’s another peach:

I don’t think so, but no matter what happens, both Red Nations will have a lot of soul searching to do this winter.

Um… soul searching?  Really?  Are the Red Sox going to take a long walk down a country lane?  When did they lose their soul?  Should the Sox get in a time machine and return their World Series rings in order to get their soul back?  I think the phrase you were grappling for but failed to find is “the Red Sox Nation will have to make some decisions about player personnel and free-agent signings this winter, but with a solid core group of exciting young players they drafted- Pedroia, Ellsbury, Lowrie, Lester, Youkilis- and big ticket veterans David Ortiz, Josh Beckett, and JD Drew, this team is set up to win for years to come.”

And this was a quaint attempt at pre-empting me:

As you prepare your scornful response its important to point out one more unfortunate similarity between Republicans and Red Sox, a humorless and blindly partisan fringe of supporters incapable of and intolerant of objective analysis.

Objective?  Really?  You’re a fucking Yankees fan, where do you get the gall to call yourself objective?  When Bill O’Reilly analyizes democrats, does he get to call himself “objective” and all of a sudden it is so?  The objective claim is especially hard to stomach when you lob such ephermal nonsense as “the Red [Sox] have a lot of soul searching to do this winter” and “the Red Sox presented themselves as a hard-scrabble bunch of misfits.”  Despite your prediction, I was able to find humor in absurd quotes like that.  Keep your damn politics away from baseball.

Best wishes,

Dr. McGraw

Some other notes:

-The Republican Party is a intellectually/morally bankrupt rotting hulk, with no new ideas, direction, or focus. They are reaping the conequences for letting the Jesus nuts come rushing in the tent and then getting them drunk on rhetoric for the past few years.  The reward was eight years of Bush, the check due now is a crippled party, operating just a step above compelete dysfunction.  The GOP needs this defeat for its own good. It needs to be blown up and remade with a fresh batch of leaders and a sprinkling of new ideas. Obama racking up 350 EVs and 60 Dems in the Senate is a good start.  So on that, I think we agree.

-All JD Drew does is get big hits, peel money, and touch bitches.  That’s it.

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1 Comment

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One response to “A Brief Retort

  1. Something about that Kev Dr. Money really speaks to me. He is a great addition to SMC, and as the great Brian Cashman, by the way not Jewish, at least he went to a catholic college, which I suppose doesn’t actually prove anything, once said at a conference with his colleague Theo Epstein, “Tis easier to build an empire than to sustain one.” We’ll see were poser nation is in a few years. And, no, he didn’t say Tis, most likely it is.
    Breaking NEWS! Poser nation can’t tell JD Drew, Mark Kotsay and Jew Lowrie apart!!!

    -Shane DURBAN

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