Monthly Archives: September 2008

The Vice Presidential Debate

Here’s how it goes… John McCain is in a Colorado Springs hotel room, watching the VP debate with a stiff gin & tonic, surrounded by campaign manager Rick Davis, Cindy, and Lindsay Graham.  It’s been a long day for John and his travelling coterie.  It started in Kansas City, followed by Cincinnati, Denver, and now here, to the home of NORAD and the largest used car dealership west of the Mississippi.  John is agitated and clearly on edge.  It has not been a good two weeks for him and now he has to sit here in the Marriott and watch Sarah go live on national television, to an audience of 100 million panicked Americans, mono-a-mono against Joe Biden, a man who has made a career in the Senate by outwitting and outflanking opponents with much more robust IQs than Sarah’s.  Biden is a trained shark, one who has made an entire career out of sneaking up behind political enemies and shanking them in the jugular.  He is merciless, and he is in his element.   John knows this well, and the room is on edge.

“Well John, I think she’s going to hold her own tonight, I’m optimistic,” says Cindy while she pokes lazily at a chicken cesar salad.

“”We’ll see,” John grunts back from the sofa, slowly twirling the glass tumbler in his hand and pensively watching the ice go round.  He’s counting on this.  He needs a momentum change.

Rick Davis has been looking very waxy of late.  He is leaning against the far wall, away from the TV, and has the look of a scared teenager getting dropped off a boarding school for the first time.  He’s the one who was responsible for assembling Palin’s prep team, for drilling talking points in her head.  “Well, she’s got the talking points down. Hell, W beat Ann Richards in a debate once, all she’s gotta do is hold her own.”

Quickly, it becomes clear that the night is not going to be a good one for the GOP.  Palin looks fine, her body language projects confidence and she is clearly not afraid of Biden.  The problem is that it is clear that she has no idea what the fuck she is talking about. She is hesitating, tripping over words, has no grasp of the issues, and yet continues to smile the smile of someone who has used beauty and guile to get where they are… a place where those traits no longer cut it.

John is simmering through the first five minutes, and everyone knows it’s a matter of time before he erupts.  Lindsay hands him another gin.  The two Senators share a brief, knowing glance, before Lindsay turns briefly to the tv, shakes his head softly and leaves the room without saying a word.

John takes a sip of the new gin, before very slowly and deliberately turning to Rock Davis, a man whose face has now turned to silent, quivering jelly.  He realizes full well what is going on: “Rick, we need to drop her.  Now.  Make it happen.”

Rick bows his head and takes a deep breath.  He knows what he is about to say will have a very profound and real impact on his immediate future.  He knows his boss and he knows he has put himself in an impossible position.  Dump her, and he loses the base.  Keep her, and he risks putting an utterly incompetent political hack into the White House.  Something has to give.

“Senator, I think we need to think about this.  Let’s see how the overnight polling-”

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, RICK,” screams McCain rising up out of his chair.  “She just whiffed on the name of the president of Afghanistan!  She fucking met him two fucking weeks ago!  What the fuck did you do to prep her?  Is this a motherfucking joke?  She’s out there humiliating this campaign!  She just contradicted everything I’ve been saying for the past month and a half! How the hell did this happen?  How the FUCK did this happen? We’re fucking getting rid of her and that’s the way it is!”

Davis knows there’s no hope of changing the Senator’s mind, but he’s got to try. “Look, Senator, if we drop her now, it’s suicide.  Everyone will see right through it, they’ll know that we picked someone incompetent for the job and had to go back on it when our position got untenable… and forget about the Hillary voters.  We might as well gift-wrap Pennsylvania and Michigan after that.”

“Don’t give me that shit, you little pussy-footed freak!  This is your god damn fault.  I wanted Lieberman, and YOU talked me out of it, you treacherous little shit!  Hell, she just said on national-fucking-televison that she favored more deregulation to correct the credit crisis, she’s contradictig every message we’ve been trying to get out for the past two month!  We need to drop this bitch right fucking now!  I made this a campaign about experience and judgement, so what the fuck does it say about me when my campaign can’t even make her look fit enough to run a GOD DAMN BASKIN ROBBINS?  Biden is eating our fucking lunch! This is fucking horseshit, this is a soup sandwich, she’s out.  Find a way to drop her.”

“Senator, with all due respect you were in favor of more deregulation two months ago.  These are messages, they’re not hard to change.  We’ll spin it.  Besides, our base is with is while she is with us.”

“I don’t give a damn at this point.  She is making fools out of us!”

“As long as she keeps saying ‘lower taxes,’ that is all we need.  Hell, she could turn it around, she hasn’t even gotten to the pit bull line yet, she can turn it-”

“John, honey…”

“Not now, Cindy.  This is not the fucking time.”

Silence falls over the room.  John glares quietly at the TV set as Biden sinks his teeth into her leg yet again, drawing huge applause from the on-site crowd in St. Louis.  Biden is one man who is clealry enjoying himself tonight.  John takes a big swig from his gin and twirls the glass around again, scanning his brain, one seasoned by a 26-year congressional career, searching for the answer.

He slowly turns back to Davis: “Now you listen here Rick:  You schedule a press conference with her at 9 am Monday morning.  She is going back to spend more time with her family in Alaska and that is it. She would love to be vice president, but she just can’t stand to see her kids grow up without her and she would like to return to see to the business of Alaska.  That is it, make it happen.”

“What if she plays hardball, refuses to drop out?”

“Fuck it, tell her we’ll give her an ambassadorship.  If she still won’t do it…” his voice trails off.

Cindy is staring quietly at the TV with an open mouth, the look of someone who can’t believe what she is seeing.  Davis knows that’s the way its going to be, and his seasoned political mind is already churning over the playbook.  He turns to look out the window at the glow of the Chevy dealership across the street.  Palin’s voice is the only sound in the room,  filling the air with senseless gibberish.  “Who are we going to replace her with,”  asks, not turning around.

McCain pauses for a moment, looking gravely at the TV.  “Santorum.  Get Rick Santorum on the phone…”

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Line Of Attack

I was having lunch with a friend today and he pointed out something hilarious and actually quite obvious about the GOP’s line of attack after the debate. On Friday, the spin room was buzzing with media hacks criticizing Obama for agreeing with McCain on a number of occasions. The campaign has even gone so far as to use Obama’s conciliatory moments in an attack ad.  The circular and self defeating logic here is amazing. He’s basically saying, “My opponent is so unfit to lead that he actually agrees with some of my policy positions. How could you vote for a man who thinks that I know what I’m talking about!”

If that’s the best they got, its gonna be a long October.  Oh well, at least they have the VP debate to look forward to.

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

When The Shit Goes Down

Ye Gods! The shit has hit the fan. And there’s brown rain everywhere. Yesterday it hit wall street—and thanks to a lame duck president, Congress decided they want nothing to do with the solution. At best we’ll have an economically inexperienced advocate for change with his outspoken veep on the task of righting the ship. But if recent events proving the existence of Murphy’s law continue to unfold, it will be far worse. God help us all if Commander McCain and his Alaskan floozy emerge at the helm this January. Despite all his grand-standing, campaign suspending, rush-to-Washington-to-save-the-day-politicking, the McCain solution seems to have been shorter-lived and more-hyped than Crystal Pepsi.

Perhaps he has Mrs. Hockey Mom herself working out a monthly expenses budget, just like when Hubby is out fishing or rallying with the Alaskan secessionists (and when she’s not busy with her high-level “trade-missions” and neighborhood watch parties with the Ruskies and the Canucks).

The chocolate rain isn’t sparing the Europeans either: Far-Right coalition governments are coming to power in Austria and Hungary. And who isn’t thrilled that the German government has had to bail out banking firm and DAX-listed Hypo Real Estate—after all financial turmoil and the emergence of right-wing governments in Europe turned out so well last time. Right, Poland?

Sen Dog (whom I’d much prefer leading this great land than Sen. McCain) has been warning us for going on 15 years now; I fear we’re not ready.

 

-Adlai Plebeian

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Ford Files for Chapter 11!

Things are looking pretty grim, folks.  Just grabbed this from the Bloomberg wires:

Sept. 29 (Bloomberg) — Ford Motor Co. will be forced to file for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection after months of declining revenue several senior executives with the company confirmed today.  Ford (stock symbol – F) has seen profits enter a tailspin that eventually led management to conclude that there was no alternative to declaring bankruptcy after losing 8.6 billion dollars in the second quarter.

Still, the announcement stunned many on Wall Street, who expressed shock that the 20 billion dollars Ford reported as cash on hand in August was not enough to see it through the downturn.  Indeed, earlier predictions by senior executives with the company that Ford had enough cash on hand to weather the credit crisis fell victim to a steep decline in sales, coupled with a sharp increased in operating costs.  Many people familiar with the company’s financial situation expressed alarm at how rapidly sales plummeted in quarter 4 and realized that their chances of avoiding bankruptcy were slim. “We saw the handwriting on the wall,” said one Ford executive who refused to be identified.  “It was either declare now and aggressively restructure while the rest of the economy is hurting, or run the bad odds and not be in a strong position when the market improves.  You can’t fight the math.  We just thought this was the only way.”  The executive added that Ford had found it impossible to secure credit, something seen as essential for Ford to return to profitability.

Ford has undergone intensive efforts to raise capital and keep it’s credit rating in recent months, even going so far as to mortgage its trademark for its ubiquitous blue logo, but the efforts were not enough. Its shares were down 13% in trading on Monday, amid a day of heavy losses for Wall Street.

It was not immediately clear what effect the declaration of bankruptcy would have on Ford’s employees.  Efforts to reach Ford CEO Henry Ford Jr. were unsusccessful Tuesday afternoon.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Palin Malaise Forever!

Kev Dr. is our new contributor, a mole we successfully planted in a major organ of the mainstream press (we can’t say which one).  His insider status lends credence to his penetrating wisdom, and we are delighted to give him free reign to rant here. -PM
I can’t watch the Couric-Palin interview. Eaqch time I try, I have to shut it off. It’s too painful. David Brooks said it was like watching a Borat skit.

You’d think I’d be thrilled, but I’m not. I think I’m past schadenfreude. I can no longer take satisfaction in her stupidity. It just makes me sad — sad that it took this long for the country to figure it out. Sad that its only her idiocy that puts people off — not the Pentecostal fanaticism she blithely couples with a basic contempt for Christian values. I’m still not over her scorn for community organizing either. The religious right should have risen up with pitchforks and torches to tar and feather Palin and that villainous snake Giuliani.

And after only three interviews, now she has to go. Even Kathleen Parker, once a enthusiastic supporter, agrees.

Only Palin can save McCain, her party, and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons, perhaps because she wants to spend more time with her newborn. No one would criticize a mother who puts her family first. Do it for your country.” It’s like Eagleton in 1972, only this time it took three weeks and it’s the GOP that suffers.

During the ’72 campaign the headlines splashed with stories of Eagleton’s electric past, while below the fold Woodward And Bernstein reported on the real story; the story that eventually hung that crook Nixon.

The real tragedy isn’t that the press didn’t do its job, it did. The tragedy is that we have to even dignify this pick, with our attention and sweat and tears, while the country burns to the ground. This is the price we pay for objective journalism. Hunter Thompson said, “It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place.” Imagine she does step down, which is unlikely. The buildup, the event, and her replacement would all prove to be further, above the fold, distractions. Anything to keep the voters minds off the decade long recession were spiraling into. “Would you like to learn the horrifying truth, or would you like to see me sock a few dingers. DINGERS!”

Kev Dr.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

This Has Gone On Long Enough

Mensa is on line one.

Mensa is on line one.

I mean, honestly?  Honestly?  This is who we want backing up 72-year-old John McCain?  This is the best and most qualified person the GOP can cough up?  This is the vice-presidential nominee of a major party ticket?  Really?  Watch the following video carefully and think about what she is saying.    Are they seriously asking me to vote for this woman?  Are we sure we want her handling multilateral disarmament talks?   We want to put her in charge of the world’s largest military?  Is anybody else fucking terrified at the prospect of this? Calling the following insulting does not begin to describe it.


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Christian Sings the Blues

This is Christian.

Christian is a very successful porn actor, who for about the past year has been logging his day-to-day activities on his site www.christiansingstheblues.com in excruciating detail. It’s a fantastic read on most days.  Christian covers his workouts, his meals, his World of Warcraft sessions, and, of course, his professional engagements, all enhanced with scores of insightful photographs.  No detail is spared.  It is usually well written and sometimes insightful.  He has no visible agenda or motive for writing the thing, and if you don’t like what he writes, or think you’re too sophisticated to read about the daily happenings of a pornographic film star, then go back to doing other things with your life and revel in your own decency.

It certainly is hard to think of questions for someone who baldly lays his day-to-day emotions, thoughts, and feelings out for thousands of readers out there with any prodding already, but after reading the blog for long enough, I thought “what the hell, eh?” -PM

First off, I love the blog.  I really do.  But I wanted to know if you’re aware of how awkward it is to try and explain to your friends why you read the blog of a literate, intelligent, chiseled Texan workout buff who spends summer days nerding out in front of World of Warcraft, and who, in addition, is a gourmand porno actor that doesn’t mind getting plowed by chicks with a strap-on and raises hedgehogs?  People look at me funny when I bring it up, it’s weird.

[no comment]

How much do you think your blog has raised your profile?  Like, do you get recognized a lot in public?  Hell, you were featured on PTI (sort of).  Have you ever been in a situation where people obviously recognize you and are whispering about you but won’t approach you?  What’s the strangest fan interaction you’ve ever had?

NO I DON’T THINK SO, IT’S POPULAR, BUT NOT THAT MUCH.  I THINK I HAVE BEEN RECOGNIZED ONCE IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS, AND IT WAS AS I WAS ABOUT TO PICK UP ANNINA, THE GERMAN PORN STAR WITH THE HUGE BOOBS.   I HAVEN’T HAD ANY REALLY STRANGE FAN INTERACTION, JUST THE USUAL ONES.

Why is your stage name so lamely ordinary?  I mean, no “rock” or “hard” or “stone” in there. How’d you come up with it?  Do non-industry dudes come up to you and try to ask you what you think of the porn names they thought up for themselves, while you find yourself just groaning, like “who the hell are these idiots and why are the hell are they asking me these things?”

I AM LAZY REALLY, I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE A FAKE NAME TO TRY TO REMEMBER TO TURN AROUND WHEN SOMEONE CALLED OUT “RUSSELL LOCKSTONE” OR SOMETHING RETARDED LIKE THAT.  OF COURSE, EVERYONE HAS A PORN NAME FOR THEMSELVES ALL READY TO GO, MY FAVORITE IS  “JERK WILLIAMS” – I LOVE THAT ONE FOR SOME REASON

As a follow-up, what do you think, hypothetically, of “Russell Sagamore?”

IT’S OKAY, BUT EVERYONE WILL BE TRYING TO FIGURE WHAT THE FUCK SAGAMORE MEANS……LOL

What is a grown man doing keeping hedgehogs as pets and why do you drive a Honda?*  I’m all for letting people do whatever the fuck they want to, but large ripped bald men are generally the kind you expect to be strolling around with big pit bulls on spiked chain leashes, driving them around in the front seat of a black Camero or pickup truck.

AGAIN, I AM GETTING LAID NO MATTER WHAT THE FUCK I DRIVE, SO WHY DRIVE AN EXPENSIVE, GAS GUZZLING, LAME ASS CAR THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BUSINESS DRIVES?  AND REMEMBER FLOWER TUCCI AND ROXY DEVILLE HAVE THE SAME CAR! AGAIN, WHY GET A DOG OR A CAT LIKE EVERY OTHER DOUCHEBAG OUT THERE?  A HEDGEHOG HAS A STORY MAN, A STORY!

Christian With Mason Moore

Christian With Mason Moore

Does every actress you work with immediately go out for a cigarette when you’re done, or do the photos on your blog just make it look that way?  Also: are they all just constantly high?

YES AND YES

Obama or McCain?  I suspect people in your line of work have an interest in whomever gets put at the helm of the Justice Department, no?  Do any porno business people give a fuck at all?

NOT TELLING……AND YES, ALL PORNO PEOPLE WANT OBAMA DESPERATELY TO WIN (ed. note- Christ, what have we done?  This will be in a McCain ad by the end of the week.  Fuck.)

My friend Frank wants to know why you seem so fond of fake tits.  He thinks it’s incongruous on a metaphorical level with your well-professed distaste of phonies and dishonest people.

I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY, BUT I LOVE EM’…THE BIGGER THE BETTER.  I MEAN, I LOVE EM’

What, exactly, is a “pop pill?”

IT’S NOT A PILL, IT’S A COCKTAIL THAT MALE PERFORMERS TAKE IN ORDER TO INCREASE THE SIZE OF THEIR LOAD OR TO REGENERATE THEIR SPERM COUNT FASTER…..ZINC, CALCIUM, PROTEIN SHAKES, CELERY, SAW PALMETTO, AND TRIBULUS.

Christian With Some Non-Industry Types.

Christian With Some Non-Industry Types.

Your blog is pretty heavy on photos from your work sets.  Do any of your co-stars get really pissed off at this?  I know it might be a little different for women in your line of work, but if someone had just nutted all over my face and then started photographing me taking a birth control sponge out of my snatch, I might be a little put out.

ONLY A COUPLE OF GIRLS DON’T UNDERSTAND.  MOST GIRLS IN THE BUSINESS ARE ATTENTION WHORES AND LOVE GETTING THEIR PHOTOS TAKEN.  THE SPONGE THING IS A JOKE THAT I LIKE TO DO JUST TO GROSS OUT THE READERS…..WHAT CAN I SAY?

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen on a porno set?

THAT’S A TOUGH QUESTION, BECAUSE WHAT I VIEW AS PASSE, MOST PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY THINK WAS INSANELY STRANGE.

If you could change one thing about your career to this point, what would it be?

NOTHING, NOT A DAMN THING BRO.

Who will win the Premiere Cup next season?

YOU MEAN THE PREMIER LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP? OR THE FA CUP?

BECAUSE I THINK IT WILL BE CHELSEA AND CHELSEA

Pop Quiz on the honor system: Off the top of your head, what were the total sales of the American Adult Film Industry in 2006?

DON’T KNOW, DON’T CARE……PROBABLY A LOT OF ZEROS THOUGH. (ed. note- A: 13.3 billion in the U.S.  97 billion worldwide.)

If you could make everyone in the pornography business read one book, what would it be?

THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE…..NO, PROBABLY THE OTHER HOLLYWOOD BY LEGS MCNEIL, I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THE HISTORY ABOUT THEIR PROFESSION

Do you, or have you, always been forthright about your career choice with civilian chicks you’re about to bed?  Or, if they don’t ask and you’re about to get them in the sack are you just smugly thinking in your head, “woman, you have no idea what you’re getting into right here, I am just going to crush you”?

YES, AND I DON’T GIVE THEM THE CHANCE NOT TO ASK, I TELL THEM FIRST.  HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.  MOST CIVILIANS THAT I KNOW ARE CHICKS THAT UNDERSTAND THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOING TO BE A LOT OF SEX AND SOME DINNERS……LOL

AND I DON’T CRUSH CIVILIANS, I LIKE TO ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE OFF CAMERA…..PLUS I HAVE A GREAT BED

Christian With the bass player from System of a Down

Christian With the bass player from System of a Down

What’s the best interview question you’ve never been asked?

GOOD QUESTION, PROBABLY SOMETHING ACADEMIC, LIKE A HISTORY QUESTION…..

How would you answer that?

[no comment]

Parting comments/wisdom/thoughts?

I LOVE MY JOB, I LOVE MY LIFE.  I MADE A DECISION TO ENTER THIS BUSINESS AND I HAVE NEVER REGRETTED THAT DECISION AS IT HAS LED TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRAVEL THE WORLD.  I APPRECIATE EVERYONE WHO READS MY LITTLE BLOG, AND HOPE THEY ENJOY THE READ.  ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING!

* For the record, I love Hondas.  Those folks make quality automobiles.  I’ve never met a hedgehog.

7 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized