God I love this country and its cocktail napkins. There is still room between all the government-mandated anti-smoking ads and do-gooding twats running about for a god-fearing company like RJ Reynolds to effort getting the Designated Driver- that paragon of virtue- hooked on smokeless tobacco.
I would’ve loved to have been on hand for that marketing meeting:
“We’ve got $40,000 left in the budget, where do we want to kick that?”
“How about napkins?”
“What the fuck are they going to say, nobody looks at cocktail napkins.”
“Let’s put some text in there about how designated drivers should use Snus.”
“What? You’re fucking crazy!”
“Why the hell not, who’s going to stop us? Besides, DDs are sitting around the bar like lame weenies all night anyway, we could try and convince them they need a little edge, a little cache. Snus is perfect.”
Again, I love this country. Also, all you designated drivers out there should know I completely agree with the RJ Reynolds Company’s line of thinking: I highly encourage all of you to try Snus for the first time right before you get behind the wheel at 2 am to drive your drunken friends home. It’ll really steady your nerves, and sharpen your vision; especially all you non-tobacco users out there. Try the “frost” flavor!
What the hell were other 354 FAQs that occurred more frequently than this one?
FAQ #3 “Q: Can you Snus when teaching a fifth grade social studies class? A: Yes! Since Snus is spilless, smokeless, and comes in a pouch, that’s no problem.”
FAQ #64: “Q: Can you Snus when flying a passenger airplane? A: Yes! Since Snus is spilless, smokeless, and comes in a pouch, that’s no problem.”
FAQ #122: “Q: Can you Snus during an Easter Egg hunt? A: Yes! Since Snus is spilless, smokeless, and comes in a pouch, that’s no problem.”
FAQ #240 “Q: Can you Snus while getting intimate with your wife? A: Yes! Since Snus is spilless, smokeless, and comes in a pouch, that’s no problem.”